Hide the Pain
by Kitsune-Amb
Summary: Hiding the scars becomes a bit too much to bear for our dear Shuichi... This is a song-fiction I wrote, my very first -- "Hello" by Evanescence. Hope you all like it.


Disclaimer: I do not own Shuichi/Kurama, nor do I own Yusuke. The song featured in this song-fiction is "Hello", by Evanescence.

R & R: Please do so. I would be very thankful if you did, and, if the reviews think this is alright, I'll most likely write more.

Btw, I know it's probably bad, but please, /please/ give me tips on how to improve. Thank you.

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_PLAYGROUND SCHOOL BELL RINGS AGAIN, RAIN CLOUDS COME TO PLAY AGAIN._

Shuichi eyes were fixed on his sneakers; something certainly seemed to interest him... he wouldn't dare to look up from them. Study hall would be over shortly -- his particular class was fortunate enough to have this held outside the building.

A tap to his shoulder made him startle. His beautiful, emerald green eyes wandered from his sneakers to the person behind him. It was the raven-haired twit -- yes. Yusuke.

He gave Shuichi a caring, bothered look. His eyes told him he wanted to help, that he /was/ worried. Somehow he convinced himself they were lying -- self pity had taken his heart over, apparently, wrapping a cold, dark, thick layer of the cruel emotions betrayel and hate around his heart... No one could break him. Not even the eyes of a dear, dear friend... it /just wouldn't happen/.

He looked up at Yusuke, his eyes solemn, melancholy -- he didn't want help. The boy nodded and walked away, guessing, /hoping/ that he would be alright if given time. But, alas, that /just wouldn't happen/. The proverb is painfully incorrect -- time, by no means, heals all.

His feet walked in a slow, drawn out pace. He was not supposed to be there, at /that/ school -- passing by he saw that the Shuichi he knew as Kurama had his head down, a sign of lack of self-confidence, something he was absolutely /sure/ he had. Confidence was one of his strong points -- how could he have just suddenly... /lost it/?

Walking passed rose bushes, he knicked his index finger on one of the thorns, causing his hand to raise to his mouth, sucking, licking at the blood, trying to make it go away -- heal faster. As he lifted his hand, careful not to knick himself again, he felt droplets of water splash onto him. It was only a few, at first... a light drizzle. It quickly worsened, turning into a full-on down pour...

The bell for the ending of study hall sounded throughout the building, but could be clearly heard outside. As the rest of his class ran into the building to shelter themselves from the rain, Shuichi walked off in the opposite direction -- toward a forest.

_HAS NO ONE TOLD YOU sHE'S NOT BREATHING?_

It was a forest, full of roses -- roses with thorns. He walked up to a patch of roses, his feet now less interesting... the thorns. /They/ were now on his mind. He picked up a rose by the stem, the thorns stabbing his hand, drawing blood -- he didn't care. This was nothing.

_HELLO, I AM YOUR MIND... GIVING YOU SOMEONE TO TALK TO._

His heart wanted to be set free, it hurt so badly, the pain unbearable... he clutched his chest where his heart would be if on the outside of his body, and gripped the rose's stem as hard as he could, trying to find something that would hurt more than his heart did, trying so very hard to numb the pain he couldn't for so long...

It haunted him -- he could not rest, nor sleep, nor eat... schoolwork was a challenge, the simplest problem suddenly the most difficult.

Even more blood dripped from his hand as the thorns continued to stab him, digging deeper... it wasn't helping, the pain wouldn't /go away/...

_HELLO..._

His mind spoke out to him, telling him to stop -- he wouldn't listen! What had it ever done for him? Caused him /PAIN/? Caused him /MISERY/? It suddenly cared /now/. Where had it been all of those other times? When his mother was nearly dying, when he had to sacrifice half his life for her, when he had to /steal/ to live? When he was forced to live as a /demon/, living the memories /it/ had? Tell me!

Where had it been, then!

_IF I SMILE AND DON'T BELIEVE._

He had tried, he had /really/ tried... to put on a fake smile, to hide the scars, the pain, but it was too harsh now -- it was controlling him, his mouth muscles refusing to work, his mind trying to give him advice but the will of his body kept rebelling...

_SOON I KNOW I'LL WAKE FROM THIS DREAM..._

He wanted this all to be a nightmare, a dream, he wanted to /wake up/. He wanted the pain to stop, he wanted to end this... he wanted so much to be able to smile again, but that task was nearly impossible now...

There was no valid reason to smile, to be happy...

_DON'T TRY TO FIX ME, I'M NOT BROKEN..._

Everyone wants to help, the think they understand but they /don't/. They tell you that you can tell them anything -- what would they think if you told them that you were a demon, or that you wasn't at the party last night because you had to go to a /Makai/ Tornament, where you would be battling /demons/ for something precious? How could they understand /that/?

The pressure, the lies, so many unsolved mysteries and hidden insecurities -- no one could help him. So many things had gone wrong, he had waited much too long for someone to arrive and save him -- he should have known beforehand.

No one cared. Life is very much different from books; when you need a helping hand, there isn't always the hand reaching above you, to help you up from the dirt... in reality, the hand /shoved/ you there, it keeps you down... This 'helping hand'... Shuichi had yet to be aquainted with it.

_HELLO, I'M THE LIE LIVING SO YOU CAN HIDE..._

If he hid it no one else would feel pain, if he smiled no one could tell he was frowning at heart -- if he hid the tears no one would ever know he shed them...

_DON'T CRY..._

He looked about, sniffling, trying not to cry... he couldn't help it... the tears just /came/, he couldn't stop it...

The hand with the rose in it had opened, but it would not leave his hand. With the aid of his other hand, he pulled the rose from it, having it drop, the thorns stained dark red with his blood.

His eyes then wandered once more -- no, not back to those ever-so-interesting sneakers of his, but at another rose. He took it by the top, the red petalled part, getting a good grip on it, so that it would stay horizonal and firm when he held it horizontal -- not horizonal and limp...

He gasped short, sharp gasps, choking silently on the tears. He held the end of the rose, the thorned green part, to where his heart was, and stabbed himself, the rose quickly and easily cutting through both his school uniform and skin.

That was it -- he could no longer feel the pain...

_SUDDENLY I KNOW I'M NOT SLEEPING..._

He was still alive, for the moment... he felt himself drop the ground, limp, his body lifeless, his mind recording all of the sounds... his eyes were shut, the sounds of the forest the only thing letting him know he was still alive...

_HELLO, I'M STILL HERE..._

He turned his head, rather, it fell, his cheek both now muddy and incredibly drenched due to the grass, and managed to smile, slightly...

It had finally ended, the pain -- he could no longer feel it... the pressure, the mysteries, the insecurities, they weren't /his/ problems anymore... such a relief...

He heard gentle footsteps run toward him, a soft voice both speaking and crying at the same time, calling his name... 'Kurama'. Obviously the owner of this voice had seen his body, lying there, the bloody roses lying beside him... It was Yusuke. The final moments of his life, he found out someone... someone really, really cared... sure, he knew he cared a little -- they were friends, after all... but...

_ALL THAT'S LEFT OF YESTERDAY..._

He was gone now.


End file.
